Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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