He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
