I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Randomize