His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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