You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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