I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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