Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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