He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
