Capitaan dildo arrescate!
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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