Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
