There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
okay pat passed out under dana's car
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
