Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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