babies were throwing up all over the place
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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