i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
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