i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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