i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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