i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
