i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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