Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
