your parents love me but you hate me
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
