my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
