i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
