He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
