my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
whose parrot is this?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
