She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
