The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
