My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
