glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
