4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
