yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize