i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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