There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
