I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
