i just google imaged poop.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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