I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
