But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
