I'm gonna have a badass scar
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
