Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
