So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
