Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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