laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
why is half of my head shaved?
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