I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
wow bdsm is so cute
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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