Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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