When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
