i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
