I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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