He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
