He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Are my feet made of real feet?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
