Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
