I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
