Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
