i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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