It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The chlamydia really affected his face.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize