i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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