There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
