I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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