hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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