I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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