Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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