We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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