I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
