i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
