I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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