After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
