He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
