I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
