all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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