i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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