they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
