drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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