When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
