Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
