I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
