I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
