The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
