I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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