When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
