Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
