Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
