i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
