and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
