i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
