We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
