she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
