Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
