Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
