the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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