Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
