I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
