when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
