I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize