I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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