So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I fill condoms, not promises.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
