hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize