and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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