We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
