He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
