Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
