win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
