Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
