If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
