So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Randomize