I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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